


Impressive Impression of Torpedoes

by Artymys



Series: Sterek Drabbles [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Derek Hale, Am I doing this right?, Broody Derek Hale, Bruised But Laughing, Bruises, Derek Actually Knows How To Talk, Dildos, Established Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Established Relationship, Family, Family Feels, Fun, Ghosts, Going on an Adventure, Good Derek Hale, Happy Ending, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Lube, M/M, Married Couple, Messy, Oblivious Stiles Stilinski, Omega Stiles, Omega Stiles Stilinski, Omega Verse, One Shot, Original Characters Mentioned Briefly, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Plugs, Protective Derek Hale, Sassy Stiles Stilinski, Sex Shop, Short One Shot, Tags Are Hard, The kids are only mentioned, haunted, how do i even tag, sterek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:22:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27133822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artymys/pseuds/Artymys
Summary: It's not often that Stiles and Derek get to have adventures, now that they're upstanding fathers and all that jazz. But, Stiles refuses to let the excitement leave their relationship, even if it's just an adventure to the shop.Part 2 of the 'Coming Home' verse
Relationships: Derek Hale & Original Child Character(s), Derek Hale & Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Stiles Stilinski & Original Child Character(s)
Series: Sterek Drabbles [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988038
Comments: 4
Kudos: 83





	Impressive Impression of Torpedoes

**Author's Note:**

> I enjoyed writing my first One Shot, The Adventures of Coming Home, so I thought I'd give it another go with a different writing prompt. Here we go!

“I’m not putting on a blindfold, Stiles.” 

Derek crossed his arms as he looked down at the scrap of black fabric that Stiles held in his hands while pouting up at him; though, he had to give it to Stiles, the big ‘puppy dog’ eyes, as Stiles liked to call them, were almost genuine. If Derek didn’t know Stiles as well as he did, he’d have fallen for it. But anyone who knows Stiles, knows that ‘innocent’ wasn’t exactly Stiles’ game and that, if you looked close enough, you could always see the playful mischief glinting in his eyes. 

“Come on, Sourwolf, it’s not like I’m going to drive you off of a cliff. I wouldn’t do that to Roscoe.” The way Stiles lips quirked only caused Derek to roll his eyes. “Don’t call me sourwolf.” Derek resolutely ignored Stiles teasing and leaned back to rest his hips against the kitchen island, hitching one eyebrow as he continued to stare Stiles down. 

“I said no.” 

With a huff, Stiles tossed the blindfold onto the counter beside Derek and moved so that he could wrap his arms around Derek’s waist. “Come on, where is your sense of adventure, old man? Dad has the girls for the whole weekend, you can’t just let me surprise you, just this once?” He asked as he leaned against Derek, his hands splayed over Derek’s back and tracing absent patterns over his henley, causing Derek to uncross his arms only to wrap them around Stiles’ own waist as well. “What if I promise to give you a treat later tonight if you go along with my plans?” 

Arching that impressive eyebrow again, Derek shook his head at Stiles’ words. “Are you saying you weren’t planning on giving me that ‘treat’ anyway?” 

Stiles blinked those amber eyes up at Derek for a few minutes before letting out a soft chuckle and shrugging a shoulder. “Alright, maybe I was, but come one, do it anyway. Please? Please? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?”  
  
Derek let out a groan as his head fell back onto his shoulders. “You’re as bad as the girls sometimes, you know that?” He let out the faintest of growls as he squeezed Stiles waist and then let out a long sigh. 

“That wasn’t a no!” Stiles chimed in almost a sing-song voice up at Derek with that big smile that almost always made going along whatever he wanted worth it. 

  
  
  


\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  
  


“I’m taking this damn thing off.” Derek growled after almost an hour of being in Stiles’ jeep, his hands already pulling the fabric off of his head; ignoring Stiles huff of disapproval as he did so. 

“Ugh, fine. We’re almost there, anyway.”  
  
Derek blinked a few times as his eyes adjusted to light after not having any for longer than a few minutes. “Where the hell is ‘there’?” Looking around, Derek was convinced that Stiles had brought them to a ghost town. The buildings looked like they were two seconds away from falling down and he was pretty sure that the road they were on was actually nothing more than dirt and weeds. And a damn boulder that it looked like Stiles wasn’t going to avoid! 

“Stiles!” Derek growled just a second before Stiles quickly turned the wheel and avoided the boulder. “We’re fine. You really should learn to trust my mad driving skills, Sourwolf.” Stiles said with ease, continuing down the road before he was pulling into a rundown parking lot for a shop that had so many neon lights blinking on its face that Derek was convinced it could be seen from orbit. 

Giant neon Xes, flashing shapes that Derek was sure would cause suburban housewives to clutch their pearls and so many other bright lights announcing sales. And, of course, one couldn’t miss the store's name being displayed in blinding flashes of just about every color known to man; proudly announcing itself as ‘Casper’s Carnal Companions’.  
  
“Stiles….why are we in the middle of nowhere? Or, better yet, why are we at a sex shop in the middle of nowhere?” Derek turned to face Stiles as he spoke, his eyebrow raised yet again. 

“Because we’re adults and we’re allowed to go on adventures. Now, get out of the jeep and let’s go!” Stiles turned off the jeep and was jumping out of it before Derek could even open his mouth; a habit that Stiles had that was both endearing and enraging at the same time. Since that habit was what usually got Stiles in trouble more often than naught. 

With a roll of his eyes, Derek followed Stiles out of the jeep and into the decrepit excuse for a shop. “You’re going to get us killed on one of your adventures some day.” He muttered, the sound almost a growl as a few steps brought him right up next to Stiles as they walked through the door. 

An initial look around the display room upon entering caused Derek to feel like he stepped into the damn twilight zone. The store was so vibrant it practically screamed in color and at complete odds with the essential ghost town that was surrounding it. Derek wrapped an arm around Stiles’ to keep him close instead of letting him wander off where he couldn’t keep him safe. Which, if Derek was being honest with himself, sounded ridiculous. 

_What did you do today, Derek?_

_Oh, me? I just made sure my mate wasn’t attacked in a sex shop. You know, same as every fucking day._

Derek managed to avoid rolling his eyes at his own thoughts as he reluctantly let Stiles direct their way throughout the store. If the damn store had been located anywhere else, LITERALLY ANYWHERE ELSE, he wouldn’t have felt so on edge, but the damn thing was smack dab in the middle of nowhere. It just felt….wrong. 

“Could you at least look like you’re happy, Der? You look like you’re waiting for something to jump out and bite you.” Stiles added a few pokes into Derek’s side as they walked down a section full of various varieties of lube and anal plugs. “I’d be having more fun if I didn’t actually feel like something was going to jump out at us and try to kill us.” Derek wrapped his fingers around Stiles’ wrist to keep him from poking him again. Derek didn’t even have to look at Stiles to know that he was rolling his eyes, he could practically hear the way his eyes rattled in his head. 

“What exactly do you think is going to happen? A kanima is going to come storming into the shop? I’m sure we could find some water based lube to squirt at it.” 

Stiles’ teasing was enough to cause Derek to roll his own eyes at him but otherwise didn’t say anything. He just allowed Stiles to continue directing their wandering through the store while he continued to make various comments about the items; several of which Stiles decided he wanted to add to their own personal collection of toys. Derek didn’t bother commenting much, as Stiles’ train of thoughts were jumping so quickly from one thing to the next, he wouldn’t have gotten a word in edgewise as it was, and he was focused on making sure Stiles stayed within reach. 

“Ooooh look!” Stiles tried to drag Derek over to the display stand of dildos and vibrators; already pointing to some of the larger sizes that they had displayed. Derek tilted his head at Stiles, both eyebrows raised as his fingers tightened on Stiles’ hip. “Are you trying to say you aren’t being filled enough?” He did manage to keep the smirk from tugging up the corner of his lips when Stiles gawked at him and then laughed softly. “Not even close, Sourwolf. I was just going to say, look how cute these little things are. No one could hold a candle to you.” Stiles practically cooed up at him, which caused Derek to growl playfully at him as he rolled his eyes again; if he kept that motion up he swore he was going to sprain something.

“Uh huh….” Derek started to respond, his voice already dripping with sarcasm, when he felt a thud against the back of his shoulder; his instincts suddenly on high alert as he spun and tucked Stiles behind him while he scanned the shop for who or what might have actually thrown whatever it was at him. A quick glance down showed that he had had a pocket bullet lobbed at him. 

“The fuck….” Stiles was cut off as several dildos from the shelf behind them came whizzing by their heads, the sound of their vibrating seeming to echo off the walls. Derek just barely managed to grab Stiles and pull him out of the way when one of the larger display models came hurtling past them with enough force that the wind actually caused the hair on Stiles’ head to move. 

“Stay low, we’re going for the door.” Derek growled at Stiles as he started pulling him along the aisles, he could hear Stiles muttering under his breath as if he was trying to figure out what the hell was causing this but Derek was only focused on getting them out of the sex shop from hell. 

It took some maneuvering, especially when they had to dodge a couple of dildos, that had to have been the size of his forearms, that were doing an impressive impression of torpedoes trying to brain them right in the head, but eventually Derek managed to drag Stiles through the doors and out into the sunlight. A handful of bruises on each of them but thankfully nothing more serious.

“What the hell was that?!” Stiles exclaimed as he stood in front of the jeep, looking back at the store with a look of utter confusion while Derek ran a hand over his face and shook his head and laughed quietly. “Only you would find us the one haunted sex shop in the entire world.” He muttered as he ushered Stiles into the jeep, not giving him the option to drive or not and instead just shutting him into the passenger side. 

“How the hell was I supposed to know it was haunted?!” 

“......you took us to a sex shop in the middle of some kind of ghost town. What did you expect?” Derek asked incredulously as he climbed into the driver’s seat and got them started on the long road back home. “That’s just rude, Der. Just because the town it’s in is having a little bit of a hard time….” 

“The place was literally named after Casper, the stupid friendly ghost you and the girls love!” Derek pointed out, which caused Stiles to shrug a shoulder at him, completely unphased. “That could have just been a coincidence.” 

Derek let out a long suffering sigh and shook his head again, his lips tugging up in a smile that he couldn’t hide anymore now that they weren’t being attacked by flying phalluses. 

  
“You’re lucky I love you, ridiculous adventures and all.” Derek said as he reached over and laced their fingers together for the ride home.  
  
“Love you too, Der.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Please feel free to let me know what you think in a comment, I'm always happy to hear what other people think. After all, if we don't get feedback we can't grow. Also, I'm always looking for more prompts, so if you have an idea leave it in the comments. I can't guarantee I'll use it, but I'm always looking for something to give me a challenge or something to stir the creative juices!


End file.
